The Bureau regularly receives suggestions that a fall was caused by a dog, a child, a draught or a ghost. We address each.
Dogs are acknowledged as sources of falling objects, though less precise. A dog knocks an item off with the whole body. A cat does it with one paw and a plan.
Children are acknowledged. They are loud, however, and the Bureau prefers quiet disasters.
Draughts are accepted in rare cases. We require a cat to have been seen standing in the draught, looking responsible.
Ghosts are not accepted. We have asked for a cat to certify them, and none has agreed.
Draughts In Depth
The Bureau owns a small fan for draught tests. In the one trial where it succeeded in moving a napkin, a cat appeared and took credit. We have not run the test again.
On Ghosts
Several clients have reported that a spirit knocks over their objects. We replied that a spirit would at least apologise. The cat does not. This is, to us, the strongest piece of evidence available.
Our Final Position
When all other causes have been excluded, the cause is the cat. When all other causes have been included, the cause is still the cat. We find this a restful way to work.
Appendix
For those who wish to dispute our findings, a form is available at the front desk. It is a single sheet of paper. Please fill it out and place it on a table edge. We will deal with it in due course, probably by the next morning, in the place where the form was last seen.
Case Note
One client insisted that the wind had pushed her lamp. We invited the wind to attend a hearing. The wind did not come, but the cat did, and sat in the front row, looking sympathetic in a way that fooled nobody.
In all cases, the Bureau reserves the right to conclude that it was the cat.
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