FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: The Purrfect Repro Bureau today opened its Plant Pot Division, a specialist unit devoted to the replication of fallen houseplants.
Division Head Dr. Marigold Thatcher said the move responds to a rise in client enquiries. “People call us when the fern has gone over. They want to know if it was the cat, the draught or the fern’s own decision. It was the cat.”
The Division will offer three services: soil scatter mapping, root exposure analysis, and a Sympathy Package for ferns.
Services Offered
- Soil Scatter Mapping: we measure how far a spilled pot of earth travels and we plot it on a chart shaped like a small galaxy.
- Root Exposure Analysis: we examine the roots to confirm they are, as suspected, roots.
- Pot Rebound Study: we determine whether a ceramic pot bounces once or twice, and whether it sounds apologetic.
- Sympathy Package: a card, a cuttings kit and a quiet moment in which the plant is addressed by name.
About Dr. Thatcher
Dr. Marigold Thatcher joined the Bureau after twenty years as a houseplant, according to her own account. She holds no degrees and a great many leaves. Her first act as Division Head was to purchase a very small broom.
Quotes From The Launch
At the opening ceremony, a ribbon was cut by a cat, and a pot was dropped by the same cat, and the crowd applauded both with equal sincerity. A reporter asked whether the Bureau would expand into cacti. Dr. Thatcher replied that cacti were a different department and had a different attitude.
Availability
The Plant Pot Division is open Tuesday to Saturday. Walk ins are welcome, but we recommend booking, since the Division fills fast after a long weekend and a new fern delivery.
The Bureau reminds the public that any resemblance between our results and your suspicions is entirely deliberate.